How to ask friends to pay back money they owe you

Asking friends to pay back the money they owe you can be pretty stressful. With the tips in this guide, you can make the process much easier and less awkward.

Credit: Dean Drobot – Shutterstock

There's nothing worse than being so skint you have to ask to borrow money from a mate.... except maybe asking a mate for money back that you've lent them.

Asking for money from friends can feel pretty uncomfortable. But as much as it makes you squirm, it's not as bad as being out of pocket when you're already struggling to make ends meet.

With that in mind, we've put together some tips on asking your friends to repay their debts.

Asking for your money back

Here are the best ways to ask for money back:

1. Avoid confrontation

   If you value your friendship, try not to get confrontational when asking for your cash. You might be annoyed that it's come to this, but you could end up waving goodbye to your friendship as well as your cash if you're rude about it.

   You've obviously got a kind heart and a compassionate nature if you offered to lend the cash in the first place. Remind yourself of this, as you're more likely to emerge from the situation unscathed if you manage to keep a cool head about it.

2. Drop hints about your own financial situation

   

   Credit: Pixel-Shot - Shutterstock

   No one likes asking for money, and it's safe to say no one likes being asked for it. Although you might not see it this way, it's stressful for both parties, so the less painful you can make it, the better.

   Rather than coming straight out with the "give me my money back" bombshell, try dropping a few hints here and there first. Something like, "Sorry, I can't come to the pub tonight, I'm too skint."

   If your friend is sharp enough, they should be able to pick up your hints and you can avoid having that dreaded conversation altogether. Worth a try!

   Making your friend aware of your financial situation should help them understand that surviving financially isn't easy on you, either.

3. Ask for money back in writing

   Depending on how you prefer to approach situations like this, having discussions about lending and borrowing cash can sometimes be easier if you do it via text or email.

   This is not only beneficial in that you can squirm about the awkwardness behind the safety of your computer or phone screen, but you'll also have everything in writing. This can help avoid confusion regarding how much cash is owed and when it's agreed to be repaid.

   You could even try sending a money request through PayPal.

   Many online bank accounts also let you send friends a payment link so they can pay directly to your account.

4. Be flexible about receiving money back

   Depending on the circumstances, like how much money your friend originally borrowed, it might make the situation easier if you suggest they repay you in a few instalments.

   This way, you can start seeing at least some of your cash again, and shows your friend you're sympathetic towards their situation.

5. Add a sense of urgency

   Adding a sense of urgency to your request will help your friend understand that you are now in a tricky financial situation after lending them the cash.

   Phrases like, "I'm sorry to ask this, but I really need that money to pay an energy bill by the end of this month", would work well. Don't set the deadline too soon, though. Otherwise, you could get your friend into a real panic.

   Give them a bit of notice so they can scrape the cash together first.

6. Ask them to cover your half of the bill

   This is a bit of a cheeky one, but it can work.

   The next time you're out in a bar or restaurant with your debtee, you could ask them to pay your share of the bill since they owe you some cash. This doesn't just work for eating out – it can work when you buy drinks on a night out or tickets at the cinema.

   Put it simply as a case of you having no cash on you, and since they owe you money anyway, would they mind paying your share? Easy.

7. Ask their parents

   This is a bit of a last resort. But, if you're getting desperate and think the amount of money you're owed is significant enough, contacting the guilty party's parents could finally put the issue to rest.

   Nobody wants to be known as a tell-tale. However, when someone owes you hundreds of pounds and shows no signs of paying it back (or even trying), they kind of deserve to get a telling off.

   It might do some permanent damage to your friendship (if it still exists at this point), and there's no guarantee it will work. But, hopefully, their parents will be able to talk some sense into them (or better yet, give you the money themselves).

   Not sure if this would work? Save the Student's very own Jake Butler had to go to his housemate's mum to ask for £100s back while at uni. Find out if it worked for him in our No More Beans podcast.

Should you lend money to friends?

It might seem a bit late to discuss this now if you've already lent your friend some cash. But think of these as tips for future reference.

Before lending friends money, it's important to consider the following factors:

1. Can you afford to lend someone money?

   

   Credit: Yevgen Kravchenko, kamui29, Bell Photography 423 – Shutterstock

   Lending cash to friends can be particularly tough if you're a student. It's hard enough supporting yourself on a Student Loan, never mind having to help others. Don't feel under pressure to dish out cash if you don't have the budget for it.

   Unless you've agreed on a repayment deadline, you won't know exactly when your mate will be able to pay you back. You have to be sure you're in a situation where you can survive without that cash for a relatively long time.

2. Think about why you're lending the cash

   If you plan to lend your mate money solely to show you care and value their friendship, this arguably isn't the best reason.

   Although this is incredibly decent of you, you can't necessarily make this your primary reason for lending them cash. That is, unless you can honestly say you won't mind if you never see your money again.

   Think ahead to a situation where your friend is unable to pay you back and you have to continuously ask them for it. This could put a whole load of pressure on your friendship and have a negative impact. Remember the risks involved.

3. Why do they need the money?

   We can all agree it's probably ok to lend your mate a few quid to help them pay the rent. But is that why they're asking you for money?

   If they're just looking to spend the money on a night out or buy some new clothes, seriously consider whether it's worth parting with your cash. This is especially true if you're already on a tight budget yourself.

4. Have they tried other ways to earn money?

   We're kind of stating the obvious here, but borrowing money from friends isn't the only solution to a cash crisis.

   Your friend has a few options. You could point them in the direction of the university's money advice service. They might be eligible for funding from the uni's hardship funds, or even some bursaries and scholarships they weren't previously aware of.

   They should avoid payday loans. There are alternative funding options that could help them without the risks associated with high-interest loans.

5. Do you trust them to pay you back?

   As we're talking about friends here, you might automatically believe you can trust them to pay you back… because they're your mate.

   But remember that if someone is particularly bad with money, they might find it genuinely difficult to stick to money-related promises.

   Do you know if they've borrowed money from friends before? Did they pay them back? Think about this before you commit to anything.

There are some ways to make extra money if your mate still hasn't coughed up and your purse strings are feeling tight.